No Federline CD for me!

‘Tis the season once again. Not Christmas; we’re well past that. Sure, it’s only Boxing Day, but it’s funny, isn’t it, how the holiday season melts away like so much snow in spring as soon as the Big Day comes and goes.

We’re onto a new gig at the moment and attention is concentrated on New Year’s Eve and how 2007 will play out.

People everywhere are doing one of two things: planning a blowout bash to put paid to the year just completed; or contemplating life in specific ways to determine if any changes are required.

On the first point, some cautionary words: Don’t be stupid.

Take it easy, think of others and don’t get behind the wheel drunk. I’m not trying to preach here, but I’ve attended the wrecks and seen the damage done. The tragedy in many of the alcohol-related accidents is, oddly enough, the person who’s drunk is rarely seriously injured.

For some strange reason it’s always the other guy (or girl) that dies or is maimed, and I wonder how people live with that. Especially when drinking and driving is such a preventable mistake.

I don’t know, but waking up later and realizing you were responsible for human carnage would be devastating. Certainly not as devastating as the suffering inflicted on those you may have hit and killed and the loved ones left to carry on with broken hearts, but difficult just the same.

Suffice to say, it’s a no-win. If you want to party, make sure you have a designated driver, you call a cab or you park the keys at the door and camp out in your buddy’s living room.

That said, let’s explore the other matter. Inevitably, one word crops up: resolution. If there’s a persistent theme to end-of-year activity, it’s those tiresome New Year’s resolutions.

Let’s be honest. Few people have the willpower to sustain the promise, so why bother? Yes, it’s noble to want to alter your life in a positive way, but what often begins with enthusiasm involves a transition so significant that even the best intentions falter and finally slip away.

Make it easy on yourself and take a leaf from my book. I’ve done the resolution thing in the past and then embraced the polar opposite and vowed not to make a single resolution at all.

Am I better or worse for it? Hardly. As Popeye the Sailor-man once gurgled, “I yam what I yam, and that’s all that I yam.�

So this year, rather than draft a restrictive code of behaviour that likely will fail, here’s the plan. It’s not what I will do in 2007. What follows is a list of what I won’t do this year. To wit, I won’t:

• Buy a Kevin Federline CD;

• Use that spray-on hair replacement;

• Go on a diet. In fact, I foresee the implementation of a strict pizza and beer regimen;

• Run a marathon. I like working out, but you have to draw the line somewhere and the finish line after 26 miles is definitely not on the radar;

• Drink decaf. That’s like kissing your sister, isn’t it? (And no, I’ve never done that, but you get the drift, right?)

• Tell my kids about Santa;

• Shoot under a hundred on the golf course. Some things just aren’t possible;

• Tell my wife that she will never again appear as a subject in this column. Hey! If I’ve got to put it out there a couple of times a week, the least she can do is step up and either share the glory or feel the pain, you know?

That’s it. Words to live by, I say, and long overdue. If New Year’s resolutions are really messing up how you’d like to kick off 2007, follow my lead.

Get a pen, some paper and put on the old thinking cap. I’ve had a ball working this out and I’m sure you will, too. In fact, if you’re not booked for New Year’s Eve, invite some friends over and get nuts. This could be the next big party game.

In any event, take care, have a good one, be safe. All the best in the New Year.