Steve's about face and Jack's war

So the honest truth is I’m a little bit worried about the Conservatives. Not the Progressive kind, but the Reformers; that Conservative sub-species that’s identifiable because they always flock together.

Knowing something of the square foot leasing costs in the nation’s capitol, it makes me more than just a little bit uncomfortable seeing the Conservatives paying for a large building in Ottawa as a headquarters for a campaign that has been called off. Cripes, if they’re into spending money for nothing, they could send me some. Even during a campaign, I just can’t image them needing that amount of space, what with a television studio and all, unless they’re really up to no good.

And while it has been years since I gave anything to a political party … except grief … I remember that one of the glories of Revenue Canada rituals this time of year is the opportunity to deduct contributions to political parties against what one owes the man. So if I have this right, the campaign building without aim is initially being paid for by the flocking Reformers, reimbursed by the rest of us weary taxpayers.

Now I hear that Stevie, the guy who stands in for the tough guys in our neighborhoods, has a personal groomer on payroll, making sure that his flak jacket is put on just so, so he really looks like one of the troops; fixing his hair lick so he doesn’t remind us too much of the 1950s, where he longs deeply to take us; and fixing his makeup so his face doesn’t shine too much. Fixing his make-up? I didn’t think they did that in cattle country!

Then, like a gift from above, it struck me. Stevie could run a column in which he shares his make-up tips with all Canadians, via the national and regional newspapers, the latter which he prefers because we’re less critical of him; more like his Cabinet and caucus colleagues, who just repeat, over and over again, what he tells them to say.

The money from this endeavour could be given to Revenue Canada to offset the cost to taxpayers of his campaign headquarters/drill hall and the mystical lady who makes sure that every day Steve is the handsome devil we all know him to be. But don’t jump the gun in following his lead, as the swelling under his eyes could be genuine from trying to do everyone’s jobs for them, not a collagen overdose.

It could become the NDP’s war

I’ve seen the federal NDP do some dumb things, but this week takes the cake. On a motion advanced by their nemeses, the Liberals and Blocquistes - a motion that called for all Canadian combat troops to be out of Afghanistan by 2009 - the NDP voted no with the Conservatives, who plainly have plans for a longer combat commitment.

The NDP did it, they said, because they’re in favour of an immediate withdrawal, that they are a party of principle and that all Canadians—the large majority of whom wished the motion to pass—would be quick to understand. This was not declared a motion of confidence, so voting for a certain end to the war wouldn’t have taken us or the NDP to the polls, and the NDP had an easy alternative.

They could have voted yes, declaring in doing so that within weeks they would be introducing a motion to move the date forward.

The upshot of this could be that the Conservatives might win a majority government in the fall or next spring. They would very soon move to extend the mission in Afghanistan for four more years and every body bag or maimed soldier who came home in the extra four years would remind us of the NDP.

In case you missed it, a recent Globe and Mail informal poll found that seven per cent of respondents wished the Senate to be elected; three per cent appointed; and 90 per cent that it should be phased out. Though they would only let me vote once, it felt great to be with the majority for a change.