Give me a hug, will ya?

Show me a toddler who can resist touching anything within reach and I’ll show you a sick child.

Taking this into account, fashions in how to handle living space while sharing it with a toddler change from time to time. When we were little, the popular idea was to leave the decorations just as you wanted them and gently remove each object from the toddler’s hand, saying “No!� firmly.

There were two toddlers in the house when Mum decided to try out this approach with a large china cat placed just off-centre on the coffee table. I was old enough to appreciate just being able to look at it eye to eye.

The little ones found it irresistible. My baby sister, especially, would snatch it off the table and run. Mum should have been given a medal for her patience. Dad became pretty handy with the china glue, but eventually the thing shattered so completely we had to wrap it in newspaper and bury it in the trash can.

Mum would never have tried the experiment with Bear Hugs. These she always kept on a high shelf or on the back of the electric stove. Bear Hugs are salt and pepper shakers shaped like sleek, yellow bears standing on their back paws. The front paws stretch out, so perfectly molded that Salt slides up to Pepper in a happy, belly-bumping embrace. She still has them.

Women of that generation understood the power of hugs, although science was just beginning to figure out how vital it is to hold a baby (Spitz, 1945.) Back in the ‘60s, Berne was warning us “the spinal cord shrivels� when we try to live without them, although he didn't back up the statement with any hard evidence.

We know about the extreme situations, like hypothermia or the Jackson twins (preemies Brielle and Kyrie were separated at birth, but when it looked like Brielle was not going to survive, she was returned to Kyrie’s side and hugged back to life by her twin), where hugs are life-saving. But how about the life-enhancing effect of hugs?

Family therapist and researcher Virginia Satir is quoted often: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.� Powerful stuff . . . perhaps an actual prescription!

Is there a generic for hugs? Maybe! Holding hands, even with a stranger, calms areas of the brain that sound off alarm, say neuroscientists*. The calming effect is really enhanced when the hand being held was attached to the spouse of the one who felt threatened! It looks as if other kinds of touch – a shoulder rub, massage – have the power to keep stress hormones at bay**.

There is growing evidence that hugs also boost immune systems and heart health. So gimme a little hug, will ya, huh?



* University of Virginia and the University of Wisconsin.

**editors of Prevention, c. 2006 Rodale Press Inc., The New York Times