The empty nest

Our last baby is leaving home. She is heading off to university, leaving us childless, and I know it will be quite an adjustment.

After all those years of making lunches, doing laundry, waiting up at night, nagging her to clean her room and negotiating for the car, our youngest child is moving out. Oh, she’s 18 and more than ready, but she is, after all, still our baby.

We prepare our children for this day from the moment we toilet train them or teach them to put away their toys. We want them to be independent, self-confident and autonomous, but will we be ready when the day finally comes? Oh, they’ll be ready all right, counting the days until the big move, but what about Mom and Dad?

Will the house be too quiet? Will we miss them too much? Will they ever call?

Having the children move out is a milestone for both parent and child. For the children, there is no turning back. With one foot in adulthood and the other still in the teens, they are ready to take the plunge and pursue their dreams.

For parents, the empty nest can be a mixed blessing, offering peace and quiet and time together on one hand, and a big gap on the other. So much of our lives revolve around our children and their schedules. We shop for them, we chauffeur them, we register them for activities, we supervise homework, we nurse them and we worry about them.

We sacrifice our own needs constantly to accommodate the needs of our children. That’s what parents do, and we do it willingly and with love.

Thank goodness communication is easy these days. We can pick up the phone, e-mail, text message, go on MSN or call on the cell. So, really, our kids are never far away. But, hey, it’s not the same as seeing them, feeding them and hugging them, is it?

What will I do with the time?

What will I do with all this time on my hands? Just think, I’ll be able to put things away and they will stay in their places. I can use my car whenever I want and I won’t find coffee cups, high heels or DVDs thrown in the back seat.

The phone and computer will be at my disposal, whenever I need them. I won’t have to share my cell phone. There will be no dirty dishes left on the counter from the midnight snacks with friends; no damp towels tossed on the bathroom floor; No “Family Guy” on the TV.

Yet I know I will be counting the days until the first long weekend when she might come home.

It was easier when my older children flew the coop since there was always another one at home who needed my attention, but now that the third and last one is heading for the door, it feels different.

It’s a milestone for us too, I guess. Now is the time for parents to reconnect and savour our own time together. Maybe we’ll travel more or sleep at the cottage whenever we feel like it. Maybe we’ll skip dinner some nights and grab a picnic. Maybe we’ll make more time to see our friends. Who knows?

All I know for sure is that things are going to be different around here and we’ll have to adjust to it, as my own parents did before me and as countless parents do all over the world when kids grow up.

I’m excited to watch the lives of our children unfold and see them reach their dreams, have adventures of their own and become adults. Just as long as they call from time to time.

Lila Hope-Simpson is the Director of the Home and Heart Child Development Centre in Wolfville