Challenges of the single parent

Being a single parent is a big job. You are the father and mother of your children and the most important influence in your children’s lives. You have twice as much work as the average parent, twice as much responsibility, twice as many demands, all with only half the earning power of a two-parent family.

You may have become a single parent through the death of your partner, through a separation or divorce or you may be a single parent by choice. Regardless of the reasons, the challenges you face are the same.

Special concerns of the single parent, whether you’re a single mom or a single dad, are economic, practical, social and emotional.

For starters, economically, unless you make a terrific salary, you may have to learn to live on a smaller income. Your kids may not get everything they want (which is not necessarily a bad thing!), you may live without certain luxuries and your child care costs will be high. Try to work out a budget, getting help to do this if you need it. Once you have done that, try to live within your means and put any extra income away for unexpected expenses.

The practical side of being a single parent includes household chores, maintenance, cooking, time management and chauffeuring. Have your children help. Teach them from a young age to pick up after themselves, clean their rooms, water the plants or set the table. Increase responsibilities with age. Make up a housekeeping chart if necessary, delegating various chores to each child and to yourself, of course.

Socially, it takes a little extra planning with friends and family. If you have only one child, you may want to bring a friend along on some outings, or invite friends over for holidays and special events.

Your children need positive role models - if you’re a single dad, make sure there are female relatives or friends who can spend a little time with your children, and if you’re a single mom, there might be an uncle, grandfather or family friend who can serve as a good male role model and spend a little time with your children.

If you are a single parent, you may feel emotionally drained some days. There is no partner to help with decision-making, child guidance, shopping or fixing the roof.

Rewards are great, also

Although the challenges are many, the rewards are great also. You are developing a very close relationship with your children since you depend on each other so much. You have the opportunity to get to know each other so well, sharing confidences and becoming sensitive to each other’s needs. This is truly a gift to have such a close bond with your children.

You are independent as a parent and have no doubt learned by trial and error what works and what doesn’t as far as parenting skills go. You should feel confident in your abilities and proud of your accomplishments as a parent and as a family.

You are doing the job of two people. Your children are also probably more independent and self-assured than some children, boosting their self-esteem and preparing them for the future.

It’s important to remember to get help when you need it. Family members, friends and neighbours are often glad to help out with a drive or watching the kids for a few hours. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know.

Maybe you can trade child care with a friend. Your friends and family are your greatest resources. Asking for professional help is a strength, not a weakness, so if you think counseling might be helpful, ask your family doctor for a referral.

Remember to take of yourself. You may be so busy planning playdates and baking muffins that you might be neglecting your own social life. Get out and have some fun!

And if you’re not a single parent, remember your friends who are; be sensitive to their needs and ask what you can do to help.

Lila Hope-Simpson is the Director of the Home and Heart Child Development Centre in Wolfville