COLUMN: The jacket rules

We welcomed a new addition to our household a couple of months ago – an addition we affectionately refer to as the jacket.

The jacket has essentially become an everyday part of our lives. And we’re not the only family taken over by the jacket. I deal with at least 15 others on a weekly basis, and know of many more on top of that.

When my son started playing rep hockey this year, I thought a lot of our daily life would be dominated solely by hockey.

Until the jacket came along.

Now it’s probably more of a 50-50 trade off. Or maybe 60-40?

The jacket didn’t arrive on the scene alone. It was accompanied by a pair of track pants with a toque not far behind.

But really, it’s all about the jacket.

The jacket came with a number of features: a few zippers, a drawstring, an RBK Hockey signature, a Yarmouth Mariners minor hockey logo and a last name and jersey number embroidered on the back.

One key feature was missing, however – the rules of the jacket. But little by little I’ve been learning the rules, and the consequences of not following them.

(Note: These are not coach’s rules, or Hockey Nova Scotia rules, these are the rules of a group of hockey players aged 9 and 10.)

Jacket Rule #1: The jacket must not only be worn to all home and away hockey games, it must also be worn to all hockey practices in the dead of winter.

I found this out after sending my son to the first hockey practice in December after the jacket had arrived in his normal winter coat. For that I received a scolding.

Jacket Rule #2: The jacket must not only be worn to all minor hockey functions, it must also be worn to all Yarmouth Junior A Mariners games.

Failing to do so will result in a repeated chorus of: “Mom, did you bring my jacket?” “Mom, where’s my jacket?” “Mom, I need my jacket.” “Mom, can you drive home to Melbourne to get my jacket?”

Jacket Rule #3: Although it doesn’t appear so to the naked eye, the jacket is made out of the warmest material ever known to mankind.

Therefore arguing that it is too cold to wear the jacket is a waste of time.

Jacket Rule #4: When worn with a hooded sweatshirt underneath, the jacket actually doubles as a winter coat.

Jacket Rule #4(A): And if it rains, with the hood on it doubles as a raincoat.

Again, arguing only wastes valuable time that could be spent doing other things – like hanging up the jacket, which, apparently, is not one of the rules.

Jacket Rule #5: When wearing the jacket, even if there are 10 centimetres of snow outside, sneakers must be worn at all times.

Apparently winter boats don’t “go” with the jacket. Which is why when my Atom A left winger stepped in a puddle of slush at an away game in Shelburne there was no change of footwear available.

“Where’s my boots?” he asked.

“Hellooo, you were wearing the jacket.”

Jacket Rule #6: The jacket is stronger than a speeding bullet, stronger than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

No wait, that’s something else. Sometimes it just seems like the jacket is all of this.

Jacket Rule #7: (This one is mine.) The younger sibling(s) of the older sibling, when he/she grows up to play hockey, must wear the same jersey number that his/her older brother/sister wore so that the jacket can be used as a hand-me-down.

Remember that Justin. You’re going to be #14.