COLUMN: I have no social life

I have no social life.

Correction.

I have no social life of my own. Thankfully my kids have one for me.

It’s why most of the parties I attend involve pointed hats and treat bags at their conclusion, and the actors and actresses of most of the movies I’ve seen in the past few years – who am I kidding, the last nine years – are of the animated variety.

It’s hard to know when I stopped having my own social life, since it wasn’t that exciting to start with. I guess it was somewhere in between being told to “push” and then being told, “it’s a boy.”

My kids’ social lives are busy ones, which means we’re often in a hurry to get from here to there. I considered myself brilliant the day years ago when I devised ‘inside and outside money.’ When my kids were younger, if they wanted to eat out but I didn’t want to go through the hassle of getting them out of the vehicle and into a restaurant, I’d tell them, “Sorry, mommy only has outside money,” and we’d go through the drive-thru.

Other days if we weren’t pressed for time, I’d dig in my wallet for “inside money.”

Nowadays I usually have no money – inside or outside – still, this worked for years.

Anyway, I was recently thinking about my social life and came up with a list describing it. So here goes.

1. When I’m out in public people refer to me by my real name – Jacob’s mom.

2. Most of my friends on Facebook I “met randomly” because our sons play hockey together.

3. The last vacation I went on was my son’s Atom A hockey tournament after Christmas. The next vacation I’m going on is my son’s Atom A hockey tournament during March Break.

4. The most essential component of the emergency kit in my van is a piece of foam I sit on to keep my butt warm at the rink.

5. When someone asks me if I want to go out for a girl’s night I won’t commit until I check to see if my kids have a hockey game or practice.

6. The closest I’ve come to going out dancing during the past three New Year’s Eves was this past year when I slipped on the ice in the driveway and threw my arms up in the air to maintain my balance.

7. My evenings out away from the kids are spent sitting through school board meetings.

8. A night at the movies is me listening to the DVD my kids are watching in the back of the van while I’m driving them around, usually to and from a hockey game.

9. The last big splurge I made on clothing was a toque and mittens that I wear at the rink.

10. There isn’t a number 10. (Hello, no social life.)

Truth be told, though, I wouldn’t trade in my social life, or theirs, for anything.

It may not be glamourous, but it’s still a lot of fun. And most of the time I’m pretty cool when I’m around my kids.

Pretty cold too.