Good kids gone bad - Part 6

BY WENDY ELLIOTT

Kings County Register

Laura Lang is on a four-year track to become a registered child and youth psychologist with Annapolis Valley Health.

She works with adolescents in a clinical setting and through the Day Services for Youth program. Her clients are referred by schools or parents after being flagged with emotional, behavioural or academic difficulties.

At KCA, there are fall, there are winter and spring sessions for youth ages 12 to 15 who attend from their home schools. In classes of eight, students focus on academics, mental health, social skills, anger management and self esteem

Lang emphasizes a strengths-based approach. She says extracurricular activities and a partnership among agencies who work with youth is critical.

Two youth workers, an educational assistant, a teacher, a community support worker and Lang, as psychologist, run the program.

In its fifth year, Day Services has a focus on re-integration into the regular school system.

“We’ve had great success. Kids are really invested in the program. It’s important they feel connected. They need an attachment to home or school. They need to feel good about themselves. These are not always bad kids, but sometimes they have to change how they see themselves if they have a negative self-perception.”

Lang tries to see the good in everyone.

“I really believe, if you focus energy on the positives, the youth will grow in that direction.”

Risk taking does have a purpose, she says. Minor acting out behaviour is “normative for teenagers. They are experimenting with identity issues.

“You have to figure out who you are in the process of growing up.”

She believes, with a strong sense of self esteem, youth “can fall off the track - but are more likely to get back on. It’s important they feel connected to home, school, or the community at large – and that someone is on their side.”

There are a number of factors that lead to risk or resilience: coping skills, competence and how one deals with emotion.

Lang says children need to feel loved by at least one parent, even if there is discord in the home. They are best attached or bonded to the school they attend by extracurricular activities, and to the community or neighbourhood they live in by means of pro-social activities.

Boredom can lead to trouble. “That’s why extracurriculars are really important,” Lang notes. “Sports and clubs are pro-social,” but computers and other forms of media need limits.

Parents need to set clearly defined, consistent boundries, Lang says, recommending the Parenting the Defiant Teen program through AVH’s mental health services. There is also a course for parents with younger children (Parenting the Defiant Child).

“They are very popular. They help problem solve and find the middle ground - teens tend to push the boundries.”

Communication between teens and their parents is crucial, Lang suggests.

“Even 15 minutes a day of one-on-one, non-critical, non-directive time - it’s amazing how that can rebuild a relationship. Young people have the competency to speak for themselves and their opinions should be valued and respected.”

Some theorists believe adolescence extends to age 25. Lang says young adults are driven by emotion and “can be impulsive at times. Their decisions are not always based on forethought.”



Let youths take risk - for the thrill, the experience, the lesson



Over a century ago, pioneering French sociologist Emile Durkheim said rapid changes in society produce confusion, impersonality and the breakdown of social norms. He called this state “anomie.”

From a state of anomie, Durkheim believed crime is not only normal, but functional. It acts to release social tensions.

Dr. Michael Ungar, a professor of social work at Dalhousie University in Halifax, says today, the sense of detachment youth feel is not new.

“They are searching for some way to be noticed – even negatively,” Ungar says.

Even well-adjusted kids become vandals before they find their niche in the community as competent, caring contributors.

“Most kids in our society know the difference between right and wrong. They can be annoying, but they are not dangerous. In fact, most adults have done crazy things as a right of passage. Collective amnesia is a part of it.”

He suggests some youth are raised in families marked by chaos; others develop in stability. Both groups seek adventure and responsibility, but often the messages parents send out are: “no, wait, stop and don’t.

“We try to put them in bubble wrap.”

Parents are guided by fear today, Ungar says. They read sad stories in the media from far off places and restrict the freedom their children can enjoy.

“Really these stories of child abduction, for example, are a rare phenomenon. Yet, our children don’t have the freedom to walk to school or go to the playground. In university, we see, as a result, that anxiety levels are up.”

“Too Safe for Their Own Good” is Ungar’s.

“Removing senseless dangers from our children’s lives is good parenting. However, I hear from many young people that something is missing when their lives become too safe. The children who push to find their limits - and scare us adults in the process - may also be those most ready for life.”

Another Ungar book, “Playing at Being Bad,” offers particular insight for parents, teachers, and caregivers of troubled youth just beginning - or already stuck in - patterns of delinquency, drug or alcohol addiction, sexual promiscuity, violence, suicide, depression and truancy. Ungar worked with kids for more than 15 years, taking a close look at their crises, while exploring the important role adults can play in keeping dangerous and delinquent youth from drifting further into trouble.

There are some youth so damaged by inadequate parents, Ungar says, “we almost have to re-parent them.

“Offer mentors, continuity, care and consistency. They need secure attachments in the community and positive and powerful roles.”

Weblinks:

www.michaelungar.ca

Parents: take a risk

• Parents and caregivers: be vigilant when real risks exist, but ease up when adult fears get the better of you. Well-founded worry conveys to children they are loved; senseless, ungrounded worry debilitates children in ways far worse than the few bumps and bruises they may experience.

• When children do act out and put themselves at risk, listen to them closely so they can tell us why they have chosen to take more risk and assume more responsibility than we think they can handle.

•Provide children with safe substitutes for their risk-taking and responsibility-seeking behaviors. These substitutes must provide just as much excitement as young people find when they put themselves in harm’s way.