The opposite of gardening

I have a little secret. While my green thumb friends are digging and weeding and planting, I’m hiding behind a tree. I know it’s ‘in’ to garden, but I don’t indulge.

Why do I feel so shameful and out of place with this confession? Maybe it’s because I live in the lush Annapolis Valley, where agriculture and gardening play an active role in so many residents’ lives.

It’s like saying I don’t believe in going green or I don’t care for cute cuddly animals. There’s an unwritten stigma attached to those of us who don’t garden. Who knows? All I know is gardening is not my thing. I admit it.

Last week, I visited a good buddy and she marched me proudly through her impeccable garden, naming each plant and flower by the proper name and describing how it was moved from here to there, and whether it needed shade or sun. It was a lovely garden and anyone could see that her hard work had really paid off. Pots of this and that sat waiting to be planted, piles of topsoil waiting to be spread and gardening tools waited to be used. I glazed over, obediently looking at each plant, but inside thinking, “can we just go inside for coffee now?”

Visiting my home, one might think I was every inch a gardener, but they would be wrong. I live on 20 beautiful acres of woodland overlooking the Valley, in a house built by my husband. We actually have quite a lovely garden out back, but believe me, it’s no thanks to me.

Over the years, various friends, my husband and daughter, and a mother-in-law with a naturally green thumb have planted a variety of perennials here and there and the plants have taken off, creating a beautiful garden.

But when visitors ask me, “What’s that gorgeous pink flower?” or “What do you call that climbing purple vine?” I have to look at them blankly and say, “I don’t know.”

No credit for their success

The plants here seem to thrive. They spread and multiply and grow and blossom. I do enjoy looking at them, but I can take no credit for their success.

My favourites are hanging baskets and planters. Ready-made glory. I know I should water them more, but the rain usually takes care of that.

Now I have another confession. There is one and only one gardening chore that I absolutely adore; mowing the lawn.

We have a large lawn and we don’t own a ride-on mower. I wear my rubber boots, large sun hat, shades and earplugs and away I go. I can’t start the darn thing, so I’m dependent on Ian to crank it up.

It takes me two hours from beginning to end. I mow like a maniac and I’m not satisfied until it looks like a golf course. That’s the extent of my gardening and I’m proud of it.

Our garden out back is stunning. There are grape arbors, laden with vines with a bench underneath it; there’s a small pond and stone walkways; there are Ian’s iron bird sculptures and flowers of every colour and size. I enjoy looking at it from my back deck. If I won the lottery, I would surely hire a landscaping company to do something with the place, but for now I rely on the goodwill of others.

One of my pre-school students generously gave me a gift certificate to a local nursery as a gift. I called on one of my gardener friends to accompany me to make my purchase.

To me, it was like shopping for plumbing parts - that’s how alien it was. Anyway, I found a plant with variegated green leaves - don’t ask me what it’s called - and I lugged it home where it sits in its pot waiting to be planted by someone other than me.

My houseplants look pretty good and I do water those from time to time. One of my most successful is the yucca plant. I admired it in a grocery store one day and inquired about it. The salesperson said, “it thrives on neglect.” Those words were music to my ears. “I’ll take it!” I said, and it has been doing well ever since.

Just for the record, I do accept bouquets of flowers and I promise to keep them watered.

Lila Hope-Simpson is the Director of the Home and Heart Nursery School in Wolfville