Mental illness nothing to be ashamed of, says Margaret Trudeau

BY JOHN DECOSTE

jdecoste@kentvilleadvertiser.ca

NovaNewsNow.com

If Margaret Trudeau has learned anything from years of dealing with a bipolar disorder, it’s not to be afraid to ask for help.

Trudeau was the special guest of the Kings County branch of the Canadian Mental Health Association for an evening presentation April 24 at the Festival Theatre in Wolfville.

One of the most recognizable women in the world when she was married to then-Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, she lived with the effects of her bipolar disorder for years until it was properly diagnosed and she was prescribed the medication that turned her life around. “I always knew something was wrong, but for 30 years I wouldn’t accept that I had a mental illness,” Trudeau said as part of her candid and often moving presentation.

As there wasn’t much if anything known about bipolar disorder, “treatment wasn’t there and drugs didn’t work, or I was allergic to them. “Whatever it was kept me out of balance, and at times immobilized by darkness and depression.”

Now a strong advocate

Since the diagnosis of her condition and proper medication “gave me my life back,” Trudeau has gotten involved in a number of causes, including issues surrounding mental health, for which she is a strong advocate. “Everyone knows someone who has had to deal with some kind of a mental challenge and it’s not just them who suffers,” she said. “We still don’t know what causes it, but we are starting to realize that mental illness is really a chemical imbalance.”

In terms of a bipolar disorder, “probably 80 per cent of the time, you’re ‘under normal’ in terms of your happiness and satisfaction with life. Probably 10 per cent of the time it’s truly manic, when you lose the ability to see anything clearly.”

Trudeau recalls being “a happy child and teenager. If I was bipolar when I was a child,” she said, “it must have been under control because I led such a balanced life.”

Her first few years of married life – even despite being married to the Prime Minister of Canada – were also relatively happy, but after the birth of her second child in 1973, things changed. “It was like going into an igloo. You want to get away and be alone, and you draw into yourself. You get lonely and sad, and lose your self-esteem. It’s like the light has gone from your life and you don’t know why.”

She went through a rebellious phase, she said, and tried drugs to see if they would help. “I took to marijuana like a duck to water. I didn’t know why, but I knew it made me feel better. I know now I was fooling myself.”

What caused her first marriage to fail was “not being able to get the help I needed to deal with my depression. Pierre and I were very, very happy, but it was doomed to fail because of the great imbalance between us. “Sometimes I was fine and other times I’d just go off the rails,” she said. At first, she was in denial, but even when she realized she needed help, “the help wasn’t there. I knew I was being overwhelmed in my life and the drugs they had given me were too strong. I knew I wanted to get better, I just couldn’t.”

Depression robs you of your life

Depression, she said, “robs you of your life, but only around a third of Canadians suffering from depression will ever seek help.”

Trudeau spent years in and out of hospital, taking various mediations, both prescribed and unprescribed, including “using drugs to change myself, to alter my mood.”

The death of her youngest son Michel in a skiing accident in 1998 “was the final heartbreak. I wanted to die,” she said. “I wanted the doctor to place me in a sleep coma.” For the next two years, “I faced it by being alone. “I lost 35 pounds in the two years between Michel’s death and Pierre’s (in 2000). I was really trying to kill myself, but nobody noticed. You can really become marginalized when you’re mentally ill.” ‘I did everything wrong’

In hindsight, “I did everything wrong. I pushed everyone away” when, in reality, what she needed most was the support of family and friends. “My son Sacha finally got me back into hospital – forcibly, I might add.”

By then, more was known about bipolar disorder and there were drugs – notably lithium and prozac – that could be prescribed. “I was given the gift of the best doctor in the world. It was a slow process, but I finally accepted that I had a mental illness. The doctor said I had to own my grief, let it out and be as hurt and angry as I had to be. “I wanted to be better right away, but it took five-and-a-half years after Michel’s death. I got my joy back and I started laughing for the first time in a long time.”

The secret, she said, “is facing your problems head-on, and having someone to talk to.” She also began volunteering for causes, “which gave me a purpose to my life.”

A person’s mental heath, she said, “is so closely attached to your physical health, and the thing that brings it all together is a positive spirit. You have to believe that life is worth living, and that it has meaning.”

Today, she said, “I’m so glad to be alive. It has taken its toll, but I have my life back. The choices you have to make in life aren’t always easy,” she said, “but there is help out there. Don’t be afraid to ask for it.”