Time out for parents

Parents are all very familiar with “time-out” for kids, but what about time out for us? You know, a getaway, all by ourselves, without kids.

Get the picture? Although it may seem like a foreign concept to most of us, it’s worth considering. Still skeptical? Okay, let’s look at the pros and cons.

The pros are many. You get to refuel your tank, so to speak, and recharge your batteries. You’ll miss your kids and therefore be more patient and loving when you get back. You can relax, think your own thoughts, have a pee all by yourself, eat your dinner later than five o’clock, sleep through the night, stay in bed past six in the morning, watch a movie that isn’t rated General, read books without illustrations, have a snack that isn’t Cheerios, have a shower that lasts longer than three minutes and listen to a CD that doesn’t have a book to accompany it.

Those are the pros. The cons? Well, let’s see...there are none, really.

Time out for parents comes in many forms. If you’re lucky, and have great child care options or sympathetic in-laws, it may be possible both parents can get away. Together. It could be a one-night getaway at a bed and breakfast or a one-week all-inclusive in the Caribbean, depending on your time and resources. But the bottom line is take what you can get. Even dinner and a movie will work.

Sometimes the only way to make it happen is to take your parental leaves separately, leaving the significant other to hold down the fort. That’s okay too. Nothing wrong with a weekend getaway with the girls.

Plan a dinner, a spa night, a trip to the city, a play, or just a pizza and DVD (at someone’s house with no kids). The same premise holds - take what you can get, whether it’s an evening out for a few precious hours or an entire weekend.

Even grocery shopping alone can be an event if you’re used to having three kids in the cart!

Don’t feel guilty!

Whatever you do, don’t feel guilty. You give so much to your children every day. You plan your schedules (hey, your whole lives!) around them so as long as they’re in good hands while you’re gone, give yourself permission to enjoy your free time.

Kids know how to press the buttons. Their tears will break your heart and make you wish you weren’t going away. Their sobs will make you feel like a negligent parent. Their cries will reinforce that they are really suffering. But don’t cave.

Allow your inner voice to tell yourself that five minutes after you leave they will be cuddled up to the babysitter or grandmother, laughing at a story or happily having milk and cookies before bed. Be strong - kids can be relentless: they’re tough, strategic opponents and they know their game well.

You’ll have a better time if you have left plenty of instructions for the caregiver and have good communication. Leave emergency and contact phone numbers. Check in by phone or e-mail.

Whether you talk to the kids or the caregiver is up to you, based on the ages and stages of your children. Make sure the caregiver knows your children’s habits, schedules, preferences, favourite foods, medical conditions, likes and dislikes.

Tell your children how many “sleeps” it will be until you return. It never hurts to bring home a small gift or toy (I've been known to pick something up before I even leave and tuck it in my suitcase in case I don't have time to shop!).

Usually it’s simpler to keep the kids in their own home and bring a caregiver into the house, but sometimes it may be necessary to have to children stay with a friend or relative while you’re away. Your kids will not only survive, they will adapt and learn to be more flexible. It may be like a mini-vacation for them as well and they may actually enjoy the change.

Maybe they’ll even appreciate you when you come home!

Lila Hope-Simpson is the Director of the Home and Heart Nursery School in Wolfville