Time for a pop quiz

Okay, pop quiz.

Didn’t you use to cringe when your teacher uttered those words in class? Can you still picture yourself squirming in your seat?

Well, break out your pencils because I’m about to put you to the test.

For all you parents out there, consider your textbook for this quiz to be the years you have spent inside your own family households.

For those of you without children, you’ll be relying on life experiences. The questions may not pertain to you specifically – after all it is my name on this column – but I’m sure many of you will relate, nonetheless.

THE QUIZ #1. Kids like to save money to purchase things. What is the latest thing my son Justin has told me he is saving his money for? A) a new set of hockey pads; B) a PlayStation 2 like his brother’s; C) a coconut. #2. My son thinks the best thing I cook in the world is: A) penne pasta with Alfredo sauce; B) roast turkey and mashed potatoes; C) Kraft Dinner. #3. True or false, my children are forever seeking my knowledge of wrestling? #4. My oldest son Jacob thinks I’m boring because: A) I watch a lot of news; B) I spend a lot of evenings working on my computer; C) unlike my co-worker Carla Allen, I would not strap myself to a Skyhawk parachuter and jump out of a perfectly good functioning airplane.

ANSWERS

QUESTION #1: The answer is C) a coconut.

He tells me it’s because he can save on glasses since he can stick a straw and his drinks directly into the coconut. I’m not quite sure when we started living on Gilligan’s Island.

QUESTION #2: The answer is C) Kraft Dinner. (For all of you who answered correctly, gheez…thanks so much for your confidence in my cooking ability.)

QUESTION #3: The answer is true. One of the dumbest things I’ve ever admitted to my kids in recent memory is that when I was younger, we’re talking in my late teens/early 20s, I used to watch WWF wrestling on television. Now, on an almost daily basis I get asked, “Mom, when you used to watch wrestling, did they have the Undertaker?” “Mom, when you used to watch wrestling, was John Cena a wrestler?” And for the record, I am NOT taller than any wrestler on television, so Justin, please stop asking me if I am.

QUESTION #4: The answer is C. Apparently if I am not prepared to first stare down and conquer my fear of heights, and then leap from an airplane to my possible impending death, I’m nothing more than a stick in the mud.

YOUR SCORE

FOUR OUT OF FOUR: Good job and thank you. You are obviously a regular reader of the Vanguard and understand my life, like any parents’ life, is always, for lack of a better word, interesting.

TWO OUT OF FOUR: Maybe you could go back and reread my columns about the Jacket Rules or the day my kid’s zipper broke on his jacket. Then you’d understand.

ZERO OUT FOUR: Didn’t you learn anything in school? The answer is always C.