Clean your room!

How clean is clean? How messy is messy? How tidy is tidy?

You and your children may have differing viewpoints on these sensitive issues. Your idea of clean may include vacuuming, dusting, wiping, sweeping, washing and tidying. Your child’s idea of clean might mean sliding the mess from the floor under the bed.

Different stages, different expectations, I say. When you have a baby, it’s your job to keep the nursery clean and sanitary. When your child is a toddler, he may “help”, but you are still likely to be doing the bulk of the cleaning and tidying after the hurricane your child may make after playtime.

By three years of age, children can certainly be expected to learn to put away what has been taken out. They may not do a perfect job, but they can make the effort.

It helps if various toys and play materials are kept in consistent places so the child comes to learn where everything goes. Shelves are preferable to dumping everything in a toybox. It makes for an easier clean-up and it also helps the child find specific toys when she is playing.

At this stage, you’re probably still doing most of the actual cleaning, but your preschooler can help with the tidying and some cleaning. For this age group, cleaning can be fun. Dusting, sweeping and wiping are chores that can be entertaining for a four-year-old. Give your child a wet cloth and watch him go into action. Or offer a small-size broom and dustpan. Even matching socks or folding laundry can be fun activities.

Learn necessary skills

Older children need to learn the necessary skills involved for cleaning and tidying. You can teach them how to make their beds, fold their clothes and put them away, dust furniture, use the vacuum cleaner, load and unload the dishwasher and set the table.

At this age, children may have specific chores they are expected to perform around the house, like dumping the compost, taking out the garbage or cleaning the bathroom.

Things may start to go downhill at adolescence. All those skills you taught may go right down the drain, especially in their own domain, the bedroom.

This is the stage when kids are back to asserting their own independence. Keeping their rooms as they choose is part of that statement or message. Some parents may insist on that tidy room, while others may opt simply to close the door. It’s up to you, but you know what they say about choosing your battles....

For teens, I vote for the clean, but not necessarily the tidy option. In other words, if my teen wants to live in a mess, that’s his or her choice, but since it is my house, I still get to assert myself on a minimum standard of cleanliness.

So the sheets may have to be changed and washed once a week and the floor may need to be vacuumed once a week. Clothing, of course, will get laundered when the teen runs out of clean jeans and socks (maybe). In the meantime, close the door.

Older teens that are almost ready to fly the coop should also learn basic housekeeping skills for their own use when they’re living in their own apartment or in a dorm. Using the washer and dryer (and knowing how to read the laundry label on clothes) should be taught, as well as basic cooking skills. Shopping for groceries should also be taught in terms of budget and nutrition. And don’t forget banking skills, including how to write a cheque.

Having kids who are already up and out has taught me one positive lesson. Although the skills you teach your children may disappear for a time during the teen years, rest assured that the foundation you taught seems to bounce back once they take pride in their own homes or apartments.

Lila Hope-Simpson is the Director of the Home and Heart Nursery School in Wolfville